Maintaining Control in Abusive Marriages

Rates of abuse are about the same in religious and circular families. The difference: Religious women may stay in abusive marriages longer due to the myth of the 'Happy Family' thereby placing lots of pressure on them to stay in their marriages even when it turns risky.."Nancy Nason-Clark, Ph.D."
Before they married in 1990, the plan was for Elizebeth and her husband to attend Bible college together. But on their way back from seeing the school after they tied the knot, he told her saying, "Women can't go into the ministry. You will have to work and pay for me to go to school," he says. She was heartbroken. She had her sights set on Bible college for years to become a minister, only for the husband to deprive her. Still, she was a shy woman and felt happy to have a husband, especially one who was charming and charismatic, so she acquiesced a choice she quickly regretted. Shortly after they were married, she had her first child from him, and it went downhill from there, says Elizebeth. "He would use the Bible to justify his violent behavior, saying the man is the head of the household, wives should be submissive at all times; you need to obey me and do what I say". These were his words to her all the time, not minding all she was going through. When she eventually turned to their church for help, she was blamed too. A pastoral counselor from the church told her the abuse was her fault because she complained too much and she just needed to obey her husband. One time when her husband pushed her into a dresser, dislocating one of her arm bone, an elder's wife asked her, 'What did you do to provoke him?' At that point, she quit reaching out seeking for help and started praying she found a way out soon before she dies, leaving her child behind.

The help she sort for, didn't happen so quickly for her. Several years after her second daughter was born, her doctor asked about the abuse and all that's been happening, and she told him. She didn't realize the doctor would report it. She went to family court, and a judge gave her an order of protection from the husband. They divorced few years later as she couldnt stand to bear any more abuse, but he was allowed visitation with their daughters three times a week..." to avoid the divorce having any negative effect on the childrens life.

What people do not understand about domestic violence, especially when you have children, is that divorce doesn't end the abuse; it merely changes it. The verbal abuse no longer happens in your living room, but in the driveway, or on the phone. The damage impact might no longer be physical but the emotional and psychological effects remains. You have to know when to pull the plug and save your life. Many have died even before they could call it quit so dont wait so long, because its unhealthy. If he doesnt change now he wont change later, know when to take control of your situation before it takes control of you when it becomes too late.